how to be confident when others put you down

Even my aunts and uncles relish in telling me about how I was such a pain when I was little, always crying etc. After that recital, a fellow student approached me afterward and said: You page-turn way better than you play., After the initial shock had worn off, I tried to brush off the comment. I know that if i stay i wont ever be myself again. I hope one day we can be normal but since my brother had a baby with her she uses him against us to get what she wants. I suffered a neglectful childhood, but I didnt realize then that things were going to get even worse as I got older. As a result, everyone on the team makes good decisions, and the players work together seamlessly. I isolated myself and my soul became dull, I no longer feel that burning desire for life. I just remember me not being treated like that. Im not going to take the abuse if they cant even respect me. Whatever theyre doing now is not working. Shes always in her room and barely goes anywhere anymore. For all they know you are perfectly happy and fine. Googling awesome put downs. So the very first step in creating change is to become aware of the thoughts you have in these specific situations (before, during and after the put-down behaviour). The more I withdraw into myself. You stand up for yourself by being clear about your own goodness. A mixed put-down occurs when a covert narcissist is threatened by someone elses intelligence, accomplishments, status, appearance or. my plan was to get out of this life by getting and job and saving up money to live somewhere away from them and start a new and healty life but job are so hard to find in where i live. i feel like im screwed at this point. I did come from a broken home, my dad was seldomly in my life and Ive never had a father/daughter talk. Just remember that what she says is actually about her own life, and has nothing to do with you. Ive been struggling with social anxiety for a very long time now, but its getting worse all the time. Start small. After the incident, I experienced a series of emotions. I agreed to do so. His work phone goes off 24/7 with emails from work, drivers, supervisors, we can not even have 20 minutes of peace, he tells me this is important and has to answer them, It is all about work. I spoke to his physician and they told me that if he was to try this again, that I should get out. Start making small, simple choices that serve you well and keep you nourished. Youre beautiful. Please realise that you deserve better than the way youre being treated. Even worse they say nothing about the wrong they did and leave us alone to fester in frustration. The fact is we all believe we can achieve greatness, the fear of those types around you is that they dont wish for you to achieve greatness and love yourself. I just hope the everything will turn out rightMay God bless me too-so i may not cause pain to others. Your friends bring up how much you talk about them. I double check my work but some things still get missed. Sometimes she is so nice, friendly, chatty funny etc but she changes like the wind. Dont do as I did and try to become a fixer. The point is, my feelings come out and they dont eat me up. Tell him to leave you alone dont answer any more questions, accusations, threats just keep telling him to leave you alone even if you must tell him 10 times. Nobody cares, they are all for themselves, there is no love, there is no serenity, there is no life. Your enemy will lie to you and do anything to beat you down! 1. Im really tired of it and I told my one nephew Im done with him. What do i do? I dont know what else to do. The last couple episodes have been in public places like costco and an amusement park. I know he resents me for a lot of things. I think its right and appropriate that you try to get your husband to help himself with his alcoholism, but youre not responsible for that and you cant force him to acknowledge where he is and the problems hes ignoring. Im struggling to find a job I know Ill enjoy and be qualified for (all Ive done was one sales rep position, then went to school, then was pretty much fixing computers for people from time to time), but all Im getting from her is Youre an invalid, cant do anything right even if you found work the longest youll last in that job is as long as the time it takes for you step in that door. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. They need better from me, I dont let them see the hurt but Im so torn inside. I just found this site looking for some information about being belittle. I dont know what is wrong with him. Hes just the type of friend who use other friends to be popular. One BIG thing I want to pick up on is when you casually slipped in I know Im useless. Yes I cried and held my breath but I have no recollection of how much. Friends dont do that to friends Rick. It creates behaviour that it believes will enhance that status, even if it needs to compromise or short-circuit a belief about whats right or appropriate. There can be many different reasons why a person may feel the need to put others down. Me being the weakest of the 4 kids since I was so young, my mother took out all her fears, anger, and hurt of my father being gone on me. This sounds like a friend who hasnt been treating you in a kind, friendly manner Mishy. The worst thing now is my 8 year old girl is copying him in the way he speaks to me and basically I am sick of it!!!!!!! My stepdad has being doing this thing for months where he sees me and he fake screams as if hes seen a monster. He has no fuse. Im always constantly getting put down by my best friends for not having a job. So it could be that hes hurting, and thats leaking out as anger and put-downs directed at you. You have abundant capability and an untapped future. Most of the time he cares about me and seems to have my best interest at heart but he comes from a family where his dad was in charge of everything and his mom was a mousy woman who didnt get a say in the marriage. There were many good times and we seemed like any normal family. Talk to him about the kind of future you want to move into. I believe in you. Hmmm. But the consequences of that decision can be huge. Dont ever judge. I step over and see myself in a true mirror, not the way they see me. "Your family and friends . How amazing your future is together. The business is going good, but it doesnt bring in steady income yet. Unfortunately I am now a complete people pleaser and constantly find myself attracting people who are just like her, but Im working on this and growing braver every day when dealing with these types. i m vivek i m feed up of my friends becoz they are trying to change my behaviour for the wrong thing i have not after three mistake when i m wrong they tell me you r wrong i agreed but somtimes not everytime i have noticed they are wrong and when i tell them their mistake they dont deserve their they refuse it,.and tell that now also u r wrong.and they agree with my truth i m having some personal problems inspite of giving solution they tease me u will never change u will leave behing i m feed up of all this when i tell my personal experence about how some people hurt me then also they tell that u r only wrong u r only havong problems sayong that no friends will join u..everytime they discourage me and underestimatebuti know when i m wrong. Even though I have come to terms with a lot of things, I dont want to think I have my negative internal dialogue under control but justify a circumstance as an exception to go back to old and bad habits. They tell me I am always negative and they are positive. People can be cruel. So when plans go awry or we cant provide in the way we hoped, it makes us doubt ourselves. The reality is hard to grasp due to the influence of your mates behavior of isolating and abusive perspective he is projecting on to you and your son in order in order to get his needs met. Today my sister insulted me by taking a video of mine and calling me a wild beast and a an angel turned into a monster. She does ths to my brothers as well an gets pretty demeaning. That sense of who you are, way down inside, right at your core? I also had trouble with my sister, she always pulled me down and I did not want this anymore. I am a single mom and have an $11 an hour job. Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist My boyfriends father is dying he told me that he needed all his attention for his father and Im a distraction. I feel so alone, Ive lost both my parents and have no close family. I threw the note away and another student dug it out of the trash and taunted me with it, adding to my humiliation. And then tells me how nice and pretty, they are! I was so scared and I knew I was going to regret this and that could make me so lonely and hurt because I truly loved her as my bff but I had to stand for myself So I broke up on text ..did not even meet her ..she tried ..she said lets move on etc etc but there was this strong feeling in me that if I dont do this now Im gonna get trapped all over again ..so I did what I had to It was over Yes I regret that I lost her but I was happy to take a strong decision to help myself because if u wont help yourself, who will ? I was the child but I learnt her needs came before mine. As for my friend, we are still kind of friends, but she rarely calls or gives me any thought unless I call her first or something prompted her. It is the saddest feeling when you realize your closest friends and family dont even know who you really are and no one cares. Its not funny and I dont see why he thinks its funny. You know it because you feel it and that vibe exists. mad it helped a lot. he tells me im miserable all the time. Hey Kevin, youre right. You alone are enough. You already are worthy. Your step father is a bully and he is abusive. Sometimes, they can feel like a powerful vortex sucking you down or like a powerful ocean current that sweeps you under water. So important that you seek support. Bringing up that point, it is a real shame that money and materialism are the main things that drive people to change, not because it is the right thing to do. I have been with my partner for 6 years. It meant giving up the comfort and safety of self-loathing that gave me permission to avoid the pain, but also the payoff, of personal growth. Other times they will do it out of jealousy. Old know & ps she is very hard on me & is very contolling over me I am 18 & I am an adult know I am a very start responsiable girl. I dont know why because I hate doing it. Totally ignore them. He never helps me with anything anymore. I finally left him, dated for a while and then remarried. If I ever inject my knowledge, its brushed away quickly because a woman couldnt have anything of significance to contribute. Countries were "waking up to the importance of putting learners first" when it came to digital technology, said Unesco. I have gone up a dress size in the last year and he is always telling me Im fat, Im porky etc. After he died a few years later I went kind of crazy and got involved with drugs. Copyright 2023 Confidence Coach, all rights reserved. I want to make this work. Then at 5 minutes you tell her. Having been raised to believe family is first, this went a long way to destroying my life. So Im a university student. Mom just did what she did. It is so humiliating, hurtful and imbarassing when this happens. You value isnt dependent on what the weigh scales say Arian. See, if your response to their behaviour is to smooth things over, take it, ignore it or accept it, youre teaching them that their behaviour is acceptable and theyll keep on keeping on. The thing is he is bipolar and this can be difficult at times. They may also be jealous, evil-minded, etc. I also cleaned up and decided that wasnt a life for me or my kids. The article is more of a starting point, a call to action, a recognition that people deserve better and that they can start to change things through making choices that serve them well. I have had this most of my life..as a child put down by mum, then married a man who made me give up my singing career. It just meant that I chose to stop holding on to my negative feelings toward her and let them pass through me. :) Then enjoy your casino and make friends with only positive people who lift you up. Once you start feeling good about that for awhile, then Id look for a romantic relationship. Please log in again. He told me last night that I am putting on weight when in fact I am losing it and he alluded to the fact that he does not fancy me in bed no more but never quite said it, but he has done in the past. Im 18 years old and I recently graduated from college. Hey, I came on to this site as I am trying to grow as an individual but I was questioning weather this is possible as I am with someone who puts me down and seems to get great confidence in making me feel small. Too many people take too many things personally; the person saying the thing in the first place could be more sensitive, sure, but the cadence of perception is all yours. She is 87. Dear Elizabeth, I just ended a 4 month relationship a few days ago. I honestly hope things have improved for you now, and that youre raising your child in an environment of support, encouragement and love. Thank you for allowing me to vent. He then proceeded to attempt to pillage my pockets for money or anything he could sell off, each time he went for a pocket I simply put my hand in that pocket. You must learn to be in control and hold onto it!! He was physically abusive but has been pretty decent the last 6 months but Im tired of him belittling me. Its time for me to let them go and be free. The members of the more confident team know that they have a good chance of winning. Learn everything there is to know about your field, job, presentation--whatever is next on your "to conquer" list. Sign up and get his free guided meditation on contemplating death to release your fears and live more fully. Stop pleasing everyone else but you. Your sister is the bully/ bossy one who wants to be on top. The person who puts you down is trying to put themselves 'one up'. I know I need to tell him to stop doing it but I dont know what to say exactly because I dont want to be too serious but i dont want to be too lenient either and i dont want to seem pathetic either. Desiring to overcome this crippling fear, I decided to audition for an upcoming recital. Youve just had heaps and huge doses of discouragement. Im in counseling I know going 2 a counsling 2 tt abt my passed issures & it helps alot I have anxietly, very paranoid, scary, afraid. Even as far as Ive put a piece of post on her desk that isnt mine. If you get tired, dont give up. Failed. This isnt a wish-list or a tick-list (i.e he may or may not be able to help those things happen), but its a way for you to stand firm with what you need. Its difficult to find jobs for the disabled in the country where I was born, Brunei Darussalam BUT what can I do? Thats over a year ago and him and I have tried making it work. It never will be. Dont ever again let him sucker a response out of you when he is being nasty and abusive. I was the youngest of 4. So I thought this is how its supposed to be. You deserve better. I still struggle with realizing I am an attractive (far more attractive than the horrible girl who wrote the note -haha) and educated woman with a Masters Degree who can make my own way in this world. I feel like they have no respect for me. In a mean time I have started our family business, we invested a lot in, and signed our home as a collateral, and I have no income of my own. I love that you feel as though youre not alone, and youre not. If I dont speak up, who will? I suggest you bloody it with intelligent words and facts:) Good luck. we are in the same situation..everything I do for my husband is incorrect.Its gottin to the point that Im always on edge when he is around. she is 85 and I am her only child. You deserve better than the story youre telling yourself. And after some reflection, I realized that we can take effective steps to mitigate the damage in the face of significant put-downs: After the incident, I experienced a series of emotions. No, she is not your best friend or a good friend. Dont forget that, EVER! Now, to take my own advice. My father died when I was 9 years old. Please consider Kates comment, shes onto something. I just sit there & take it. no matter what i try to say no matter how i try to reason with this person. Should I not be his friend anymore, or should I warn him? After a divorce and my kids grown, now I try to spend time MY time. I feel so much happier and less stressed, its been the best thing I ever done. My fiance and i have been together for 6 years. Then the next time I was with her and another friend of hers, she again began subtly putting me down and I pulled her up on it. i have heard a lot of people talk about me saying negative critics and one time i cried about it. But about mid-way through I had to give upI just couldnt make the tuition. good luck. In my marraige, now he became verbally abusive. Wen we fight he laughs at me, spits at me, comes for me like he wants to hit me. In the heart. I though that when you had a partner you are there through thick and thin..it hurts me to know that I dont have the same support I have givin to him and continue to give himI felt so alone and now i know Im not. I cant go out in public without being laughed at and made fun of. And the fact my boyfriend has gained a lot of weight (80 lbs) and he wants me to lose weight. You can only either change yourself or how you react to other people. Rent, power, food, etc. She would constantly put me down and try to get make me feel left out so she could be the one, or whatever she thinks. And Im never good enough. but it starts with a choice that only you can make. Ive been staying with her for about 10 months now and this past weekend she said just about everything she felt about me. Wat should i do? but she refuses to listen. Then I start thinking maybe I am special ed I know I was not as smart as my brothers. A person you can absolutely trust and with no need to feel you unburdened to much.A professional friend who wont throw your vulnerabilities back in your face or put you down if you dont obey. You can find and grow those lovely parts of yourself. I am 52 and have been in a few psychologically abusive relationships and when I read your comments and his, I felt uh oh, she isnt recognizing that she may be committing to a relationship that will ultimately be hurtful or unsatisfying (at best)because he is saying no; setting a clear personal boundary, (as odd as it may feel, and may actually be), and you are trying to have him reconsider and shift the boundary. Hope you ditched him. The ironic thing is that it was because somebody supported me. I understsnd the internal conflict that arises from debating whether to adress the inappropriate person at the time and taking the risk they will escalate the situation or leaving. And support they do give to me they threaten to take away and then my mum apologise for making me cry and my dad has always called me names like Im a puss y . I can relate with most of what is being said. he has a big pride and even bigger ego, I think I am almost sure I no longer love him Enough. 1. I tried talking to her in private about how hurtful her comments are, and she said she was glad I told her. He tells me I cant hold an intelligent conversation amongst other hurtful things btw Im graduating thins year from an accredited university in Pre vet science and going to grad school for neuroscience in the fall.
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